( he'd dozed off on his balcony. warm afternoon light and all that. it's the call that wakes him up, but he misses it anyway, too sluggish to get to it in time, but it's still less than ten minutes before he calls eddie back. )
I - ( throat clears. ) You left the message - about Pep-sea - I haven't tried that yet.
Why point out something you're already aware of? If you're hoping I'll tell you that you're doing a terrible thing to your wife, you'll have to look elsewhere
Men sleep with women who aren't their wives every day Given that yours is in another world it almost makes sense Perhaps if I knew your wife I would feel differently but I don't
Do you want me to tell you that your circumstances make you exempt from being like every other person? That has never been how it works You're neither better or worse for this
i dont mean i'm i never thought id need to use that word for myself but flabbergasted about covers it
ok ok im dropping i didnt want you to think i thought that was fucked up of you or anything its just surprising in the like holy shit that sure happened! kind of way and i dont know why youd wanna do that when you barely know me at all you know and its weird that you dont remember me but i remember you and everything thats what i meant theres a lot of weirds going on for me here. like its a lot fo process on five different levels
I'm not this person that you remember Well. It is me and it's not me
I am who I am before I met this ka-tet, and long after I last felt that kind of love Even if some of this is the ghost of this man who was yours, it's my heart and mind now
In the times when I was capable of such, I fell in love with people I had known for less than I know you now
You lived and died with and for me, a version of me Why would I not want to kiss you
( there's a lull between these various texts, as if half waiting on a reply before deciding that he has more to say. roland finds explaining himself uncomfortable at best. he's still not sure he made sense of it. those last two texts are the closest gist of it, creeping in on the mixed and vast emotions that eddie provoked - provokes - in him. )
dying for someone is the ultimate romantic gesture huh
anyway
all this... you but not you stuff is confusing and i want to help you figure it out but its gonna be weird for me sometimes okay and thats my own shit and my own issues and ill get over them
Exactly. ( something of a relieved smile. ) We've not even electrics where I'm from. Dating at all is more – arranged courtships. Or eloping, if you've no love for the courtship.
I come from a wealthier family where marrying into the right family comes with a certain kind of pressure... but that was always second string to my coming out as Trans.
Ah - I understand that. My father was the city's dinh. For me, my parents wanted me to marry a particular girl. So she was my dancing partner, they encouraged us to spend time together. It didn't work out, for good or ill.
( beat. full disclosure: )
I had to google what trans meant, after reading your page. There's a lot of words for it, back home, just that wasn't one of them.
Not at all. No world is a perfect world, but anyone could be who they were, if they had the right friends and family. And if not - my world's been in a state of moving on for as long as I can remember, now, and if nothing else, it's good for freedom.
I'm glad. I would say that I wish I could move to your world but it sounds like you don't have internet and I guess having my identity questioned at every turn is the lesser of two evils :)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
voice
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I - ( throat clears. ) You left the message - about Pep-sea - I haven't tried that yet.
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[ moving right on, not even expecting a laugh or a reaction. ]
I've got like 12 bottles and I'm not gonna drink them alone.
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Why do you have twelve bottles?
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( is that a touch of amusement in his voice. )
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[ slightly exasperated exhale. ]
Yes, now.
[ somewhat hesitant. ]
If you're not busy.
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Of course I'm not busy. I'll be over within the hour, Eddie.
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[ although he wants to say more, there isn't much else to add, and roland will be here soon, anyway. ]
See you soon.
[ and he hangs up. ]
text
i know gwen, by the way
she told me about reading the books for you
she'll do a better job than i would
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I know
After our last palaver I thought you should be spared from reading them
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thank you. i appreciate that
you'll be seeing more of gwen as im seeing her
im glad you two are getting along
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im in love with her so we're kind of a thing
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you can say what you wanna say
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KEYWORD RELEVANT
not even gonna point out the part where im married?
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If you're hoping I'll tell you that you're doing a terrible thing to your wife, you'll have to look elsewhere
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Given that yours is in another world it almost makes sense
Perhaps if I knew your wife I would feel differently but I don't
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guess im just one of those
i wish you did know her. you changed her life too
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That has never been how it works
You're neither better or worse for this
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ive heard that before
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he thinks on kissing eddie, but that doesn't make anything clearer.
hm. )
I won't kiss you again
I don't think you need things any more complicated
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were you going to
i thought that was just a thing to make me feel better i didnt really know what to make of it
obviously
from my
eloquent reaction
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I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you
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you dont know me
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for me
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You've really no need to drag this out
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i'm
i never thought id need to use that word for myself but flabbergasted about covers it
ok ok im dropping i didnt want you to think i thought that was fucked up of you or anything its just surprising in the like holy shit that sure happened! kind of way and i dont know why youd wanna do that when you barely know me at all you know and its weird that you dont remember me but i remember you and everything thats what i meant theres a lot of weirds going on for me here. like its a lot fo process on five different levels
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Well.
It is me and it's not me
I am who I am before I met this ka-tet, and long after I last felt that kind of love
Even if some of this is the ghost of this man who was yours, it's my heart and mind now
In the times when I was capable of such, I fell in love with people I had known for less than I know you now
You lived and died with and for me, a version of me
Why would I not want to kiss you
( there's a lull between these various texts, as if half waiting on a reply before deciding that he has more to say. roland finds explaining himself uncomfortable at best. he's still not sure he made sense of it. those last two texts are the closest gist of it, creeping in on the mixed and vast emotions that eddie provoked - provokes - in him. )
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anyway
all this... you but not you stuff is confusing and i want to help you figure it out but
its gonna be weird for me sometimes okay
and thats my own shit and my own issues and ill get over them
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If it's weird for you, I promise it's as strange for me.
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what im saying is youre gonna have to be patient with me and im gonna have to be patient with you
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i know
video;
[ She hoped she didn't look as nervous as she felt. ]
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Hile – ( 'scuse his accent and turns of phrase. ) Nomi, isn't it?
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[ Not exactly a warm welcome. ]
...is this a bad time?
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Not at all. Cry pardon if it seems that way.
I'm not used to these things.
( you know, videos, social communication, being a human. )
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What does 'courtship' involve where you're from?
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( beat. full disclosure: )
I had to google what trans meant, after reading your page. There's a lot of words for it, back home, just that wasn't one of them.
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[ She says it with a wry smile, but she's expecting the worst all the same. ]
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